Year: 2024
Scientists Confirm: People Who Watch Major News Channels Are Actually Less Informed Than Uncontacted Amazonian Tribes
A new study finds that cable news viewers might actually be less informed about the world than uncontacted tribes in the Amazon. At...
The FBI Finally Finds Waldo
“After decades of international hide-and-seek, the FBI has finally captured Waldo in Luxembourg. Turns out, the best disguise was just refusing to change...
Grooms Break Off Gay Marriage After Heated Debate Over Wedding Dress
Mark and Jonathan broke up before the vows—because sometimes love is blind, but vanity isn't.
Local Gays Invite Jerry Jones Curtain Shopping
In a hilariously awkward twist, local gays invited Jerry Jones to a mimosa-fueled curtain-shopping spree to fix AT&T Stadium's sun problem. Fabulousness ensued—mostly.
Study Confirms: Every $100k You Make Adds an Inch to Your …
In news that’s sure to make crypto bros invest even harder, science confirms: for every $100,000 you make per year, your penis grows...
Woman Adds Lemon to Her Alkaline Water; Scientists Confirm She Has No Idea What Alkaline Means
"Adding lemon to alkaline water might be the ultimate science-meets-vibes fail—because if it’s wrong, at least it feels so right."
North Korean Troops Join Russia in Ukraine, Giddy Over “Luxury” of Full Meals Even Amid Artillery Barrages
North Korean troops in Ukraine, tempted by full meals and maybe even appetizers, are loving the front line more than Pyongyang ration lines.
12 Things Men Secretly Crave, According to Women
"Turns out all a man really wants is constant snack interventions, hourly check-ins, and a Zodiac compatibility consultation. Or so we think."
Area Divorced Dads Know Nothing About Women, Everything About Diesel Engines, Smoking Pork Butt, and WWII Submarines
New stats reveal area divorced dads have a 100% proficiency in diesel engines, smoking pork, and WWII submarines, but are clueless about relationships.
Local Yard’s Fattest Squirrel Now a Round, Rolling Force of Nature
Lord Fatty McAcorn, a squirrel so round he's practically rolling, has taken winter prep to new extremes by eating everything in sight. Who...
