Month: October 2024
AI Breakthrough: Technology to be Used to Listen to Your Grandmother’s Boring Stories, So You Don’t Have To
In a revolutionary breakthrough, new AI technology allows you to listen to your grandmother’s endless stories—without having to actually listen to your grandmother’s...
ADHD: The Art of Forgetting What You’re Doing While You’re Doing It
"ADHD is a masterclass in simultaneously doing everything and nothing. Tasks vanish like socks in a dryer, and somehow, we end up with...
Jay Cutler still being awesome, Bears quarterback arrested for DUI
Jay Cutler makes headlines for all the wrong reasons—again—and middle-aged Bears fans couldn’t be prouder. Now with a divorce and a mugshot, he’s...
Area Mom Thinks It’ll Be “Spooky Fun” to Drink Wine Out of a Pumpkin
"Janice R. thought drinking wine from a pumpkin would be 'spooky fun.' An hour later, she was passed out in the graveyard scene."
Local Man Takes Entire Family on Field Trip to Sheriff’s Office After ‘Learning the Law’ on YouTube
Local man Ted G. leads his family on an unexpected “field trip” to the sheriff’s office after trying to flex his YouTube legal...
Man Loses It After Friend Texts During Latest ADHD Induced Crisis
After juggling 50 tasks at once, local man’s focus shattered by casual text, erupts into fiery rage
Local Spider Judges Homeowner’s Halloween Decor
Local spider visibly unimpressed by homeowner's tacky Halloween web display, wonders where it all went wrong in synthetic web design.
Man’s Mother Drags on Phone Call Despite Numerous Attempts by Man to Hang Up Gracefully
“She’s like the Michael Jordan of hanging up: just when you think she’s done, she comes back out of retirement with another thing...
Local Parents Startled by Eerie Silence, Fear Apocalypse-Level Disaster Unfolding in Kid’s Bedroom
Local parents Sarah and Tom M. reported being Afraid Kids Too Quiet, What Did They Do Now. The usually chaotic children ate still...
Jerry Jones Confirms Last 25 Years Just an Elaborate Multibillion-Dollar Prank on Cowboys Fans
Jerry Jones confirms that the Cowboys' last 25 years of "almosts" and heartbreaks were all part of a multibillion-dollar prank on fans. At...
