BLM Activists in Moscow, Demand Russia Elect a Black President
"We thought 'ОМОН' was their version of BLM, but it turns out they don’t do allyship—just batons."
Woman Lets Jesus Into Her Heart; He Hasn’t Called or Texted Since
"Local woman lets Jesus into her heart, but three weeks later, she’s still waiting for a follow-up text."
Local Man Surprised No Food in His Fridge After Checking 7 Times
“There’s no food here—just ingredients to make food,” local man laments after checking his refrigerator seven times, hoping for a miracle.
Pretty Sure Dentist Just Farted But Can’t Say Anything in Middle of Root Canal
“I couldn’t even turn my head to give him a look,” Brandon lamented, “because, you know, drills and all.”
Local Man Surprised No Food in His Fridge After Checking 7 Times
“There’s no food here—just ingredients to make food,” local man laments after checking his refrigerator seven times, hoping for a miracle.
Wife Shocked Husband’s TV Coaching Isn’t Helping His Team
“He’s giving such clear advice—things like ‘Run the ball!’ and ‘What are you doing?’” wife laments as her husband yells at the game,...
Pretty Sure Dentist Just Farted But Can’t Say Anything in Middle of Root Canal
“I couldn’t even turn my head to give him a look,” Brandon lamented, “because, you know, drills and all.”
Local Man Pretty Sure He’d Run a Corporation Better Than CEO
Carl B., a self-proclaimed business mastermind and full-time disability recipient since 2012, took to social media this week with a bold claim: he...
Study Confirms: Every $100k You Make Adds an Inch to Your …
In news that’s sure to make crypto bros invest even harder, science confirms: for every $100,000 you make per year, your penis grows...
Woman Adds Lemon to Her Alkaline Water; Scientists Confirm She Has No Idea What Alkaline Means
"Adding lemon to alkaline water might be the ultimate science-meets-vibes fail—because if it’s wrong, at least it feels so right."
North Korean Troops Join Russia in Ukraine, Giddy Over “Luxury” of Full Meals Even Amid Artillery Barrages
North Korean troops in Ukraine, tempted by full meals and maybe even appetizers, are loving the front line more than Pyongyang ration lines.
12 Things Men Secretly Crave, According to Women
"Turns out all a man really wants is constant snack interventions, hourly check-ins, and a Zodiac compatibility consultation. Or so we think."
Area Divorced Dads Know Nothing About Women, Everything About Diesel Engines, Smoking Pork Butt, and WWII Submarines
New stats reveal area divorced dads have a 100% proficiency in diesel engines, smoking pork, and WWII submarines, but are clueless about relationships.
Local Yard’s Fattest Squirrel Now a Round, Rolling Force of Nature
Lord Fatty McAcorn, a squirrel so round he's practically rolling, has taken winter prep to new extremes by eating everything in sight. Who...
Local Man Plays Another Round of Call of Duty, Sparking Parents’ Dog Adoption
"The dog won’t talk back, it won’t order DoorDash four times a week, and at this point, it has a better chance of...
Co-worker Tells a Story, With Breath So Bad It Makes Man’s Eyes Water
"The more he talked, the worse it got. It was like he had a three-course meal of garlic, roadkill, and onions just before...
Man Stands Right Next to You at Urinal, Tries to Start Conversation
In what can only be described as a modern tragedy, local man Kevin J. made the bold decision to stand directly next to...
Man Loses It After Friend Texts During Latest ADHD Induced Crisis
After juggling 50 tasks at once, local man’s focus shattered by casual text, erupts into fiery rage
Local Parents Startled by Eerie Silence, Fear Apocalypse-Level Disaster Unfolding in Kid’s Bedroom
Local parents Sarah and Tom M. reported being Afraid Kids Too Quiet, What Did They Do Now. The usually chaotic children ate still...
Man Working in Call Center Wonders If Being Homeless Is All That Bad
After another soul-crushing shift filled with angry customers, Gavin L. is starting to wonder if living on the streets might offer more freedom...
When 90s Nostalgia Meets Gen Z: A Personal Story
Local man David B. realizes he's no longer part of the cool crowd after being referred to as born in the "late 1900s"...
Politicians Announce: Your Tax Money Is Being Used to Help Those Who Need It Most—Politicians and Their Families
"Thanks to your tax dollars, my brother’s consulting firm just got another government contract, and my daughter’s internship on the National Commission for...
Woman Drowning in Debt Thinks Getting One More Loan Will Fix Things
"I could’ve used the loan for my high-interest credit cards," Emily admitted while browsing Amazon. "But, like, I’ve been eyeing this smart fridge,...
Man’s Mother Drags on Phone Call Despite Numerous Attempts by Man to Hang Up Gracefully
“She’s like the Michael Jordan of hanging up: just when you think she’s done, she comes back out of retirement with another thing...
Local Parents Startled by Eerie Silence, Fear Apocalypse-Level Disaster Unfolding in Kid’s Bedroom
Local parents Sarah and Tom M. reported being Afraid Kids Too Quiet, What Did They Do Now. The usually chaotic children ate still...
Jerry Jones Confirms Last 25 Years Just an Elaborate Multibillion-Dollar Prank on Cowboys Fans
Jerry Jones confirms that the Cowboys' last 25 years of "almosts" and heartbreaks were all part of a multibillion-dollar prank on fans. At...
When 90s Nostalgia Meets Gen Z: A Personal Story
Local man David B. realizes he's no longer part of the cool crowd after being referred to as born in the "late 1900s"...
New TikTok Trend Takes Over, You’re Dumb for Not Following It
“It’s like, if you’re not doing this TikTok challenge, why are you even alive? What do you do all day? Work? Pffft, that’s...
Local Man Performs Annual ‘Change of Bed Sheets’ Ritual
After 364 days of rigorous non-laundry, local man Greg M. undertakes his yearly bed-sheet change, declaring his bed a 'sanctified' zone.
Local Man Feels Urge to Discuss Politics With Customer Service Rep
"I’m just here to help with your internet connection," said the customer service rep, just moments before reconsidering her entire life.
Local Man’s Biggest Turn-On Is Getting IRS Notices
Local man Dave R. reveals his unusual fetish for financial domination, finding excitement in debt and tax obligations rather than traditional kinks. He...
