Year: 2024
Politicians Announce: Your Tax Money Is Being Used to Help Those Who Need It Most—Politicians and Their Families
"Thanks to your tax dollars, my brother’s consulting firm just got another government contract, and my daughter’s internship on the National Commission for...
Airport Baggage Handler Wins ‘Briefcase Toss Challenge,’ Accused of Picking Lightest Suitcase on the Flight
"Accused of picking the lightest suitcase, airport baggage handler Tony R. claims his toss was all about technique—not weight."
Woman Convinced Her New Business Opportunity Will Make Her Rich; Friends, Family Try to Explain It’s a Pyramid Scheme
Local woman Stephanie Moore, 28, is on the fast track to financial independence—or so she believes. While her friends and family have been...
Man High on Cocaine Believes He’s Making Brilliant Point
Tyler G., a 27-year-old, took center stage at a party after consuming cocaine, believing he delivered a profound monologue on politics and tacos....
Local Hero Disarms Locked Door Using Swiss Army Knife and Unparalleled Technical Genius
"At one point, he was using the corkscrew attachment. I think he thought it was some kind of advanced lock-picking technique, but it...
The Block Wonders: Are You Gonna Handle It or Nah?
"Look, all I'm sayin' is, if somebody called me out like that, I’d at least throw hands or something. You can't just let...
Scientists Discover That Saliva Causes Cancer
Scientists have now discovered that saliva may cause cancer—if swallowed in small amounts over long periods. You know, like what you’ve been doing...
Local Woman Convinced Gas Pedal Is On/Off Switch
“Maplewood resident Sarah B. views her gas pedal as a mere ‘on/off switch,’ leaving her passengers clutching seat belts and contemplating life choices.”
“It’s Time to Bring Down Capitalism!” Tweets College Student on Her iPhone
In a bold stand against the evils of capitalism, local college student and self-proclaimed activist Chloe Sinclair took to Twitter this morning to...
