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The News
Lonely Woman’s “Cooking with Wine Night” Quickly Spirals Into Two-Bottle Bender
"There’s nothing like the taste of burning failure and Minute Rice,” Sarah said, wiping away a tear with a leftover chicken bone."
Woman’s Attempt to Secure Loan Thwarted by Lack of Credit, Stable Income, Collateral, Common Sense
"A local woman’s attempt to secure a loan was swiftly denied due to her severe lack of credit, income, collateral, and common sense."
Starting the Day with a Cigarette, a Red Bull, and Two Big Spoonfuls of Nutella Is Not “The Breakfast of Champions”
Dietician confirms: starting the day with a cigarette, a Red Bull, and two big spoonfuls of Nutella is not "the breakfast of champions,"...
Co-worker Tells a Story, With Breath So Bad It Makes Man’s Eyes Water
"The more he talked, the worse it got. It was like he had a three-course meal of garlic, roadkill, and onions just before...
Man Stands Right Next to You at Urinal, Tries to Start Conversation
In what can only be described as a modern tragedy, local man Kevin J. made the bold decision to stand directly next to...
Uncles’ Political Debate Ends, Both Somehow Completely Wrong
"It was like watching two blindfolded people have a sword fight in the dark—they’re both missing the point and each other."
Man at Department Store Warned He Would “Blow Up the Bathroom”
In a gastrointestinal misunderstanding, police responded to a "bomb threat" at a department store—only to find a man in dire need of a...
Local Woman Confident She’s Only 4-5 Toxic Relationships Away from Finding “The One”
"Sara H., a seasoned veteran of questionable romances, is confident she’s only four or five emotional catastrophes away from her soulmate. 'If I...
