Local Man
Local Man Feels Urge to Discuss Politics With Customer Service Rep
"I’m just here to help with your internet connection," said the customer service rep, just moments before reconsidering her entire life.
Local Man’s Biggest Turn-On Is Getting IRS Notices
Local man Dave R. reveals his unusual fetish for financial domination, finding excitement in debt and tax obligations rather than traditional kinks. He...
Jogger Spends More Time Picking Playlist Than Actually Running
"Local jogger Matt T. spends more time curating the ultimate 'Beast Mode' playlist than actually running – because true cardio requires a soundtrack."
Guy at Gym Still Doesn’t Know How to Use Half the Equipment, But He’s Not Asking
"Local gym-goer Todd R. has been misusing fitness equipment for six months and refuses all assistance, claiming he’s 'just here for the vibes.'"
Local Man Plays Another Round of Call of Duty, Sparking Parents’ Dog Adoption
"The dog won’t talk back, it won’t order DoorDash four times a week, and at this point, it has a better chance of...
Local Man’s Wife Wants to Go to Farmer’s Market on Football Sunday, Doesn’t Understand Why That’s a Problem
Local man’s wife suggests a farmer's market trip on Football Sunday, completely oblivious to the devastating consequences for their marriage.
Starting the Day with a Cigarette, a Red Bull, and Two Big Spoonfuls of Nutella Is Not “The Breakfast of Champions”
Dietician confirms: starting the day with a cigarette, a Red Bull, and two big spoonfuls of Nutella is not "the breakfast of champions,"...
Co-worker Tells a Story, With Breath So Bad It Makes Man’s Eyes Water
"The more he talked, the worse it got. It was like he had a three-course meal of garlic, roadkill, and onions just before...
