Garbage Time
Sports
Local Gays Invite Jerry Jones Curtain Shopping
In a hilariously awkward twist, local gays invited Jerry Jones to a mimosa-fueled curtain-shopping spree to fix AT&T Stadium's sun problem. Fabulousness ensued—mostly.
Jay Cutler still being awesome, Bears quarterback arrested for DUI
Jay Cutler makes headlines for all the wrong reasons—again—and middle-aged Bears fans couldn’t be prouder. Now with a divorce and a mugshot, he’s...
Jerry Jones Confirms Last 25 Years Just an Elaborate Multibillion-Dollar Prank on Cowboys Fans
Jerry Jones confirms that the Cowboys' last 25 years of "almosts" and heartbreaks were all part of a multibillion-dollar prank on fans. At...
Jogger Spends More Time Picking Playlist Than Actually Running
"Local jogger Matt T. spends more time curating the ultimate 'Beast Mode' playlist than actually running – because true cardio requires a soundtrack."
Guy at Gym Still Doesn’t Know How to Use Half the Equipment, But He’s Not Asking
"Local gym-goer Todd R. has been misusing fitness equipment for six months and refuses all assistance, claiming he’s 'just here for the vibes.'"
Intramural Softball Team Takes ‘No Alcohol’ Rule as a Suggestion, Not a Law
Zero victories, but infinite amounts of beer and camaraderie. "Pitch, Please" shows us all that winning isn't everything—especially when you've got a cooler...
Local Man’s Wife Wants to Go to Farmer’s Market on Football Sunday, Doesn’t Understand Why That’s a Problem
Local man’s wife suggests a farmer's market trip on Football Sunday, completely oblivious to the devastating consequences for their marriage.
Study Reveals Most Injuries in Professional Football Caused by Celebration Dances Gone Wrong
A new study reveals that more injuries in professional football are caused by post-touchdown celebration dances gone wrong than by actual gameplay.
