Local gym regular, Todd R., has successfully logged six months at his neighborhood fitness center without a single clue as to what most of the equipment actually does—and he’s perfectly fine with that. Spotting him is easy. Just look for the guy who’s suspiciously close to injuring himself on the leg press he’s somehow converted into a sort of upper-body twist machine.
“I’m just here for the vibes,” Todd shrugged when asked if he needed help. This comment came moments before he attempted to use the Smith machine like an ab roller.
Witnesses report that Todd is no stranger to experimental exercise. “Last week, he used the rowing machine while standing up,” said gym-goer Linda H. “I tried to help, but he just smiled and said, ‘No worries, I’m doing my own program.’”
Personal trainers at the gym, who initially offered him tips, now simply watch in a sort of horrified awe. “We’ve given up,” admits trainer Alex F. “He’s redefined what we think is humanly possible—on a machine designed specifically to prevent creativity.”
Todd’s approach to fitness has left many fellow members bewildered, but undeterred. “Honestly, I don’t know if he’s improving his fitness or slowly dismantling his skeletal structure,” said gym manager Katie L., who often watches his workouts on security cameras, “just in case.”
When asked about his future fitness goals, Todd replied, “Just to keep the vibes going, you know?” before attempting a new exercise on the stair climber that appeared to involve sitting.
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