In a surreal twist on wartime alliances, North Korean soldiers have eagerly joined Russian forces in Ukraine, lured by the promise of semi-regular meals and shelter that sometimes even has heating. While for most soldiers, the front lines of Ukraine would be a nightmare, for these troops from Pyongyang, the war-torn trenches represent a land of plenty, where “luxuries” like a second serving of soup and a side of stale bread feel like a taste of heaven.
North Korean soldiers are reportedly over the moon about what they’re calling the “exotic cuisine” of Ukraine—primarily due to the fact that it involves actual, chewable food. “Last night, I had a half-boiled potato,” shared one North Korean soldier, his eyes welling up with tears. “And today, they told me I might even get soup with tiny bits of carrot in it. It’s like I’m in a dream. Back home, we would’ve only seen a carrot in a propaganda film!”
One anonymous source within the North Korean ranks admitted that the standard issue of bread and sometimes even a bit of butter between bombardments has become the “stuff of legend” among his fellow soldiers. “Sure, there are missiles and mines everywhere,” he shrugged, dodging a whistling artillery shell, “but here, food actually comes in solid form. It’s the chance of a lifetime!”
With a sense of desperation—and maybe just a bit of wicked irony—the Ukrainian military is reportedly now scrambling to translate local restaurant menus into Korean. Rumor has it that printed menus from popular Ukrainian cafes are being prepared for an air-drop campaign over entrenched North Korean positions. One high-ranking Ukrainian officer confided, “We’re talking about laminated, full-color menus from Lviv bistros, complete with photos of vareniki, borscht, and roast pork. The hope is they’ll look at the photos and just, you know, start walking toward us.”
Sources say some North Korean soldiers have already been spotted gazing longingly at the few scattered food delivery advertisements that make their way into the trenches, occasionally murmuring in awe about “meat that isn’t just a rumor.” Intelligence reports suggest that these “menu bombs” could be particularly effective, as many North Koreans are unaware that “options” and “appetizers” are even concepts in other parts of the world.
Meanwhile, Russian commanders seem unperturbed by the Ukrainian tactic, quietly grateful for any potential thinning of the hungry ranks. As for Kim Jong Un’s state media, they’ve spun this alliance as a kind of gastronomic tour, telling citizens that their “beloved soldiers” are tasting the “spoils of victory,” which allegedly include second helpings and even pepper, a spice not seen in Pyongyang since the late ’90s.
Back in North Korea, families of the deployed soldiers are ecstatic about the improved rations and have started keeping journals to document each letter that mentions “actual food.” “My son said he tasted something called ‘salted cabbage’—imagine that!” one mother exclaimed in a government-approved interview. “I’m so proud he’s risking life and limb for a menu with seasoning on it!”
Military analysts are skeptical, but can’t deny the determination a well-fed soldier brings to battle. “There’s no way to measure this kind of morale boost,” one Western expert admitted. “They’re in it for the food—everything else is just background noise.”
For now, North Korean soldiers continue their dual mission: dodging incoming fire while savoring each mouthful of uncharacteristically edible meals. And if the Ukrainian menu drops are successful, they may soon be facing an even tougher choice: loyalty to Pyongyang, or the lure of hot dumplings on the other side.
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