In a stunning revelation, local wife Amanda L. expressed bewilderment that her husband’s beloved football team has yet to implement the detailed, shouted strategies he delivers during every game from the comfort of their couch.
“It’s just surprising,” Amanda said, clutching her mug of tea and glancing at her husband, Greg L., who was mid-rant about the offensive line’s inability to block properly. “He’s giving such clear advice—things like ‘Run the ball!’ and ‘What are you doing?’ You’d think the coach would hear him and adjust the play calls, but somehow, they just don’t.”
Greg, who has never played football beyond a brief stint in middle school, is reportedly confident his insight is invaluable. “These coaches, man—they overthink everything,” he said, gesturing wildly at the screen after the quarterback was sacked for the third time. “If they just listened to me, we’d be up by 20 right now.”
Amanda, meanwhile, noted the irony of her husband’s commitment to helping the team, despite his complete inability to locate the laundry basket. “He has so much passion for getting them to succeed, but when I ask him to help fold towels, it’s like I’m speaking another language.”
Sources close to Amanda claim her disbelief has been ongoing since she married Greg seven years ago. “Every Sunday, it’s the same thing,” said her sister, Kate M. “He’s yelling things like ‘Cover the tight end!’ like he’s on a direct line to the defensive coordinator. I’m starting to think he genuinely believes someone in the stadium can hear him.”
At press time, Amanda had excused herself to another room, leaving Greg alone to continue what he referred to as his “coaching.” Reports indicate his team ultimately lost the game, which Greg blamed on the coach’s inability to “read the field like he can.”
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