In a developing story out of a local department store, police were called earlier today after a man reportedly warned employees that he was about to “blow up the bathroom.” While concerned workers briefly panicked, believing they were facing an explosive situation, authorities later confirmed that the only threat involved was a gastrointestinal one.
The unnamed man, who was just looking for the restroom, reportedly made his intentions known in a manner that left room for interpretation. Store employees, clearly unversed in bathroom-related euphemisms, promptly alerted law enforcement.
“He said it with such intensity,” said store associate Brenda R. “We thought it was serious. Little did we know, he just really needed some privacy and a couple of rolls of Charmin.”
Police arrived within minutes, ready to defuse the situation. “We were prepared for the worst,” said Officer Mike D. “But after a quick interview with the suspect, it became clear that the only thing about to explode was his stomach.”
The situation was resolved without incident, though the man was advised to choose his words more carefully in the future. “Next time, I’ll just say ‘I need to use the bathroom,’ but honestly, that doesn’t fully capture the level of emergency,” he said after the ordeal.
Store operations returned to normal after the police confirmed the absence of any explosive devices—other than the one the man left behind in the restroom.
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