Bylines are abuzz this week after an anonymous cockroach—known online as “CreepyCrawly98″—posted a blistering one-star review of the Roach Motel on Tripadvisor. The review, titled “Worst Stay of My Life: Literal Death Trap,” is quickly gaining traction in the insect hospitality community.
“First of all, the name is completely misleading,” the review begins. “This is NOT a motel; it’s a crime scene waiting to happen. As soon as I checked in, the staff was suspiciously friendly, offering free snacks that smelled… off. Against my better judgment, I indulged. Huge mistake.”
The roach goes on to describe the harrowing experience in vivid detail:
“Moments after enjoying what I thought was a complimentary meal, I began to feel sluggish. That’s when I noticed half my family was missing. Turns out, the so-called ‘staff’ wasn’t there to serve us—they were waiting to kill us. I barely made it out alive, but my Uncle Greg wasn’t so lucky. RIP, big guy.”
The review also criticizes the motel’s lack of basic amenities, including clean corners, damp basements, and dark cabinets.
“Don’t even get me started on the accommodations,” the roach fumes. “The walls were sticky, the ventilation was non-existent, and there were literally NO places to hide when danger struck. Isn’t that the whole point of staying at a motel?”
The Roach Motel has yet to comment publicly, but sources inside the establishment claim the accusations are “overblown.”
“We’re just doing our job,” said one representative who declined to be named. “We offer a simple, effective solution for human clients who want to… deal with certain pests.”
Adding fuel to the controversy, a spokesperson for Raid, the motel’s long-time collaborator, simply stated, “Yep,” when asked for comment.
The review ends with a chilling warning to fellow cockroaches:
“If you value your antennae, DO NOT STAY HERE. Humans may love this place, but it’s our version of a horror movie. Trust me, you don’t want to see how it ends.”
The roach community is rallying behind CreepyCrawly98, who has since been dubbed a “heroic whistleblower” by his peers. Meanwhile, Tripadvisor has flagged the review for potential “bias.”
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