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Study Confirms: Every $100k You Make Adds an Inch to Your …
In news that’s sure to make crypto bros invest even harder, science confirms: for every $100,000 you make per year, your penis grows...
Woman Adds Lemon to Her Alkaline Water; Scientists Confirm She Has No Idea What Alkaline Means
"Adding lemon to alkaline water might be the ultimate science-meets-vibes fail—because if it’s wrong, at least it feels so right."
12 Things Men Secretly Crave, According to Women
"Turns out all a man really wants is constant snack interventions, hourly check-ins, and a Zodiac compatibility consultation. Or so we think."
Area Divorced Dads Know Nothing About Women, Everything About Diesel Engines, Smoking Pork Butt, and WWII Submarines
New stats reveal area divorced dads have a 100% proficiency in diesel engines, smoking pork, and WWII submarines, but are clueless about relationships.
Local Yard’s Fattest Squirrel Now a Round, Rolling Force of Nature
Lord Fatty McAcorn, a squirrel so round he's practically rolling, has taken winter prep to new extremes by eating everything in sight. Who...
Local Housewife Holds Strong Opinions on Geopolitics Despite Never Leaving Iowa
"I don’t need to go to Europe to know it’s a mess over there,” says Karen L., 52, who holds strong opinions on...
Man Claims “It’s About the Journey, Not the Destination” as Family Realizes They’ve Been Lost for 3 Hours
ocal man Jared F. was reported as saying, "It’s about the journey, not the destination," while stubbornly refusing to admit he’s been lost...
Man Fears Nothing at a Haunted House, His Own Apartment – The Real Horror
"Bryan S. laughed his way through the state’s most terrifying haunted house. His secret? His apartment is a far scarier place."
