Local Woman
Study Confirms: Every $100k You Make Adds an Inch to Your …
In news that’s sure to make crypto bros invest even harder, science confirms: for every $100,000 you make per year, your penis grows...
Woman Adds Lemon to Her Alkaline Water; Scientists Confirm She Has No Idea What Alkaline Means
"Adding lemon to alkaline water might be the ultimate science-meets-vibes fail—because if it’s wrong, at least it feels so right."
Local Housewife Holds Strong Opinions on Geopolitics Despite Never Leaving Iowa
"I don’t need to go to Europe to know it’s a mess over there,” says Karen L., 52, who holds strong opinions on...
Woman Still Convinced She Will Receive Free iPhone 15
Karen M. remains unwavering in her belief that she will receive a free iPhone 15 after responding to a suspicious pop-up ad. Despite...
Area Mom Thinks It’ll Be “Spooky Fun” to Drink Wine Out of a Pumpkin
"Janice R. thought drinking wine from a pumpkin would be 'spooky fun.' An hour later, she was passed out in the graveyard scene."
Local Parents Startled by Eerie Silence, Fear Apocalypse-Level Disaster Unfolding in Kid’s Bedroom
Local parents Sarah and Tom M. reported being Afraid Kids Too Quiet, What Did They Do Now. The usually chaotic children ate still...
Lonely Woman’s “Cooking with Wine Night” Quickly Spirals Into Two-Bottle Bender
"There’s nothing like the taste of burning failure and Minute Rice,” Sarah said, wiping away a tear with a leftover chicken bone."
Woman’s Attempt to Secure Loan Thwarted by Lack of Credit, Stable Income, Collateral, Common Sense
"A local woman’s attempt to secure a loan was swiftly denied due to her severe lack of credit, income, collateral, and common sense."
