In a bold move that has completely redefined her Instagram presence, local twenty-something Ashley M. has added “bisexual” to her bio. Friends and followers alike are comparing it to sprinkling a touch of parsley over a plain dish of boiled potatoes.
Ashley, who recently discovered that aligning with bisexuality might add the “edginess” her feed was sorely missing, has reportedly been working on a way to make herself seem interesting since her profile’s debut in 2019. Prior to this change, her social media was filled with content like mirror selfies with Starbucks cups, “vibes” captions, and inspirational quotes sourced from Pinterest.
“I mean, sure, I’ve kissed like, one girl once,” Ashley told reporters, skillfully side-stepping the obvious question. “But it’s more about like… being fluid, y’know?”
Observers report that the change has prompted an outpouring of positive engagement from her mostly indifferent followers, who have been dutifully liking her posts without so much as a comment since 2020. Some commented with heart emojis, and a few even replied “yasss queen,” in what sources believe is a form of Instagram CPR.
Social media strategist Lisa R., an expert in identity-as-content, says Ashley’s move is right on trend. “A bland Instagram bio is a huge liability in 2024,” she explains. “Adding ‘bisexual’ is like putting an ‘organic’ label on conventionally farmed lettuce. People just… buy it. And even better, it suggests complexity without actually requiring any.”
As for Ashley, she’s reportedly delighted by the spike in profile views and direct messages, mostly from other people seeking to project an air of mystery through mutual follows. “I just feel more authentic now, you know?” she added, adjusting her ring light for another selfie featuring a tasteful rainbow heart emoji.
Friends report that Ashley is already brainstorming future identity-based updates for when her followers inevitably move on. Early contenders include “non-monogamous” and “moon lover,” though she worries they might clash with her “dog mom” aesthetic.
For now, the bisexual tag stays, giving her profile the boost it needs—just like a sprig of cilantro on a sad, bland plate of beige.
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