In a bold move to expand her environmental campaign, Greta Thunberg has now turned her focus to the world of music, calling for all guitars to be fully electric by 2030. The climate activist, known for her strong stance on reducing carbon emissions, addressed a crowd of confused musicians at the Global Sustainability Music Forum this week. Thunberg’s speech, which began with her iconic phrase, “How dare you,” took a surprising turn when she condemned the use of acoustic guitars as “archaic relics of an irresponsible past.”
“Acoustic guitars are nothing but wooden dinosaurs contributing to deforestation and a culture of unsustainable jamming,” Thunberg said, clearly shifting from saving the planet to saving the sound waves. “If we can transition to electric cars, why can’t we transition to electric guitars? The environment demands it, and frankly, so does my patience.”
Musicians Struggle to Keep Up
The demand has sent shockwaves through the music industry. Bob D, a folk singer from the ’60s, was reportedly spotted clutching his Martin D-28 in disbelief, muttering, “First they came for the plastic straws, and I said nothing. But now this?”
Meanwhile, major guitar manufacturers are scrambling to meet Thunberg’s ambitious deadline. Gibson, Fender, and Taylor have issued joint statements promising to go fully electric by 2030, while secretly emailing their R&D departments to figure out what, exactly, that means for banjos, mandolins, and ukuleles.:
“How dare you continue to strum on outdated acoustics when electric guitars are right there! It’s like riding a horse to work in 2024.” Thunberg’s voice echoed through the venue. “I don’t care if you’re a cowboy in Wyoming or a busker in Brooklyn—plug it in!”
Not Everyone Is on Board
Of course, not all musicians are ready to embrace the future of “responsible rock.” Folk artists, in particular, have expressed concern that their beloved genre will be stripped of its authenticity.
“I don’t know if I can get behind this,” said Sarah M, a local busker. “I’m just not sure ‘Blowin’ in the Wind’ hits the same with a distortion pedal.”
Heavy metal bands, on the other hand, have fully embraced the initiative. “Finally, something Greta and I can agree on!” screamed Lars V, drummer of a famous thrash metal band. “More electricity, more power—save the earth through shredding!”
A New World of Silent Concerts?
But it’s not just the guitars. Thunberg has also hinted at an even more futuristic vision of sustainable music: silent concerts. Inspired by the growing trend of silent discos, Thunberg suggests that entire music festivals could soon be conducted via wireless headphones, eliminating the need for energy-guzzling speakers.
“Imagine a world where every concert is held in total silence—except for the buzz of renewable energy powering our amps,” she said, before pausing to let the gravity of that statement sink in.
Festival organizers are reportedly excited about this possibility, as it could lead to a drastic reduction in noise complaints from surrounding neighborhoods. “Finally, no one will have to hear that one guy at Coachella butchering ‘Wonderwall’ for the 15th time,” one organizer said.
Will This Change the Tune of the Music Industry?
As the 2030 deadline looms, one thing is clear: music may never be the same. Whether Greta Thunberg’s vision of a fully electric musical future will strike a chord with artists or fall flat remains to be seen. For now, musicians worldwide are bracing themselves for the biggest industry shift since Dylan went electric—and no, that won’t be the last time anyone mentions that.
One thing’s for sure: whether you’re a rocker, a busker, or a classical guitarist, you’d better have a charger ready. The future is electric, and Greta’s not unplugging anytime soon.
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