The suburban BBQ scene turned into an unexpected battleground this past weekend when local dad, Mike D., flexed his ultimate dad prowess by handing fellow neighborhood dad, Steve P., a copy of Grilling for Dummies in the middle of a neighbor’s cookout.
What began as a casual Saturday afternoon BBQ quickly escalated into a duel of grill-side egos. The neighborhood cookout, hosted by Lisa and Tom S., was meant to be a low-key affair. But when Steve fired up the grill and proceeded to serve chicken that was, according to witnesses, “closer to a charcoal briquette than actual poultry,” Mike saw an opportunity to assert his dominance.
“There was an audible gasp when Mike handed Steve the book,” said Tom S., who witnessed the now-infamous moment from the sidelines. “At first, we thought it was a joke. But the deadly serious expression on Mike’s face said otherwise.”
Mike, known around the cul-de-sac for his meticulous approach to grilling, was quick to seize the opportunity after observing Steve’s questionable technique. “I’ve seen him flip burgers too many times,” Mike told reporters while adjusting his “#1 Grill Master” apron. “If he can’t tell the difference between medium-rare and well-done, I’m just doing him a favor.”
Steve, clearly caught off guard by the unsolicited gift, chuckled nervously before putting the book down next to the ketchup. However, sources say the tension was palpable.
“He flipped that page in the manual like a man reading his own obituary,” said Jake M., another attendee. “I mean, sure, Steve’s steaks were a little… well done, but come on. That was cold, even for a dad.”
“It’s the BBQ equivalent of getting pants’d in front of the whole neighborhood. The grill may never recover from the humiliation.”
In true suburban dad fashion, Steve later tried to redeem himself by offering to grill the hot dogs, but the damage was already done. Witnesses say Mike smirked from across the yard, tongs in hand, satisfied that the crown of alpha dad remained firmly on his head.
“I’ll take a rain check on those hot dogs,” said Susan P., Steve’s wife, who’s reportedly considering buying a copy of the book for her husband as well.
As the coals burned low, so too did Steve’s confidence, and the rest of the neighborhood dads quietly took note. “I just hope no one starts handing out ‘Lawn Mowing for Dummies’ next week,” one concerned dad remarked.
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