Local man Greg W., 37, has been furiously honking at the car directly in front of him on I-10 for the past 30 minutes, steadfastly believing that his relentless horn use will somehow clear up the multi-car pileup blocking all four lanes just two miles up the road. According to onlookers, Greg’s relentless honking has, predictably, not shifted the stationary line of cars an inch — but he’s undeterred.
“I’ve got places to be, and if no one else is taking charge here, I guess it’s up to me to get traffic moving,” he muttered, gripping the steering wheel with a furrowed brow, unaware that the other drivers were, in fact, equally desperate to not be marooned on the highway for another hour. Witnesses report Greg made direct eye contact with the driver in front, issuing a series of staccato honks designed, presumably, to telepathically communicate “move your car” — a message rendered entirely meaningless by the traffic jam stretching from horizon to horizon.
“I don’t understand why no one up there is moving!” Greg yelled to himself, somehow convinced that his fellow drivers were simply choosing to park along I-10 on a random Tuesday afternoon rather than, you know, deal with the twisted wreckage of a sedan lodged under an 18-wheeler two miles up.
Despite obvious indications of a major incident, including the news choppers circling above and a digital sign warning of “Serious Delay – Expect 2+ Hours,” Greg has doubled down on his efforts, leaning into his horn for longer, more aggressive bursts, hoping to manifest a miracle on the road.
“It’s like they don’t even care that I’ve got a 5:30 reservation,” Greg fumed, blaring his horn once more, oblivious to the reality that the flattened metal and emergency responders ahead aren’t likely to move any faster just because he’s feeling impatient. Sources report Greg tried once to squeeze into the shoulder, only to abandon the plan when it became clear he was as likely to be stuck there as in his lane.
Meanwhile, the driver of the car in front of him, visibly exasperated, rolled up her windows and tried her best to ignore Greg’s insistence that her minivan somehow holds the power to resolve a full-blown highway closure.
As of press time, Greg was spotted checking Google Maps again in hopeful anticipation of a magical shortcut that would spirit him out of the traffic disaster he somehow believes he’s above experiencing.
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