Local man Greg T. made a startling discovery this week when he was approached by two small humans in his own home who referred to him as “Dad.” Greg, who has spent the past seven years working 65-80 hours per week, reportedly stared blankly at the children before muttering, “Who are these kids, and why are they calling me Dad?”
Greg, a corporate executive, admits he’s become “mildly aware” of their existence but never quite put it together that he was legally, and biologically, responsible for them. “I always just assumed they were those random neighborhood kids, you know? The ones who mysteriously show up and eat all your snacks.”
According to sources close to the man, his working schedule has been so intense that he’s missed several major family milestones, such as the birth of his youngest child and the first five years of his eldest’s life. “I think I remember some vague discussion about having children,” Greg mused. “But honestly, I was on a conference call, and I thought it was part of a team-building exercise.”
“I always just assumed they were those random neighborhood kids, you know? The ones who mysteriously show up and eat all your snacks.”
When asked if he planned to cut back on work hours to spend more time with his kids, Greg replied, “Yeah, definitely, right after I close this quarter’s deals, hit my bonus targets, and maybe next fiscal year.” His wife, however, seemed less optimistic, stating, “We’ll see him again when he retires, or when the Wi-Fi goes out.”
In the meantime, Greg’s children have taken to making small signs with his name on them and waving them around when he briefly passes through the kitchen to grab coffee. “It’s how we communicate now,” explained his wife, Lauren T. “We use flashcards and PowerPoint slides.”
As of press time, Greg has reportedly started addressing the children by their names… or at least a close approximation. “I’ve decided to call them Kid One and Kid Two for now,” he said proudly. “It works for Dr. Seuss, so why not me?”
Leave a comment