In a shocking revelation that will surprise absolutely no one, local cat Bootsie has a deep, complex inner world that goes completely unrecognized by her owner, Sheila F. Despite spending roughly 98% of her day perched by the window, staring out at nothing in particular, Bootsie is not just idly wasting away her feline existence. No, Bootsie is thinking big thoughts. Or at least, that’s what she’d like you to believe.
Sheila, however, is convinced that Bootsie’s daily routine of window-staring is just an extension of her general apathy toward anything resembling human interaction. “I swear, she’ll sit there for hours, just looking outside like she’s trying to figure out where the birds go,” Sheila said, oblivious to the fact that Bootsie’s mind is probably replaying her greatest triumphs, like that one time she knocked a glass off the counter for no reason whatsoever.
According to Sheila, Bootsie has been engaged in these daily meditation sessions for as long as she’s had her. “I mean, she’ll chase her tail for five minutes and then go right back to the window like she’s deep in thought,” she explained. Little does Sheila know, that distant stare is Bootsie’s “creative process,” as she plots the next chaotic moment she’ll unleash upon the household.
“Sometimes I wonder what she’s thinking about,” Sheila mused. “But then I realize it’s probably just the existential crisis of being a cat who can’t open the fridge.”
Meanwhile, Bootsie remains tight-lipped about her true motives, opting instead to let her soulful gaze speak for her. Experts (read: other cat owners) suggest that cats like Bootsie are likely involved in deep philosophical debates in their heads, such as the age-old question, “Why sit in the bed when I can sit directly on my human’s laptop instead?”
Despite the world-class poker face Bootsie maintains, Sheila continues to be clueless about her cat’s interior monologue, which likely involves intricate plans to knock over the houseplants, avoid eye contact, and meow as if the world is ending when her food bowl is half full. “I just wish she would let me in on her world,” Sheila sighed, still unaware that Bootsie’s rich inner life includes judging her every move from her regal window throne.
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