Local woman Stephanie Moore, 28, is on the fast track to financial independence—or so she believes. While her friends and family have been subtly trying to alert her that she’s become entangled in the web of a pyramid scheme, Stephanie remains convinced that her new “business venture” is a one-way ticket to wealth.
“It’s not a pyramid scheme, okay?” Stephanie snapped defensively, her eyes darting to the slides on her laptop—slides that, of course, featured an endless array of upward arrows, smiling people in stock photos, and questionable buzzwords like “synergy” and “passive income.” “This is an opportunity to work from home, be your own boss, and live your dream life. Plus, all I need is to get three people to sign up, and if they each get three more people… well, the money practically makes itself!”
While her enthusiasm is palpable, her family’s patience has worn thinner than the vitamins she’s hawking online. These so-called “wellness products” have vague health claims, dubious legality in several countries, and a suspicious sales structure that screams “cult-like MLM” rather than a legitimate business.
“Yeah, it’s definitely a pyramid scheme,” groaned her older brother, Daniel, now immune to the barrage of invitations to become a “brand ambassador.” “She’s been trying to sell me on these chakra-balancing energy drinks, whatever that means. I don’t know what a chakra is, but I’m pretty sure mine are fine. What’s not fine is her asking me to host a ‘business opportunity mixer’ in my living room. Again.”
Stephanie, undeterred by the collective eye-rolling from those closest to her, credits her newfound drive to the company’s daily motivational Zoom calls. These online meetings, led by mysteriously wealthy “uplines,” are a never-ending stream of hype designed to convince attendees that their ticket to prosperity is just one more overpriced protein shake away. These calls, often attended by the same handful of people, are rife with cliché phrases like, “Don’t let the haters get in your way,” and “If you’re not earning, you’re not trying hard enough.”
“They keep telling us about how their lives completely transformed,” Stephanie said, proudly pointing to a testimonial from a woman named Cheryl, who claims to own three houses and a yacht, though her social media presence suggests she took a single cruise in 2019. “I’m so close to hitting the next rank, and once I’m in the VIP group, they’ll share all the real secrets to success. You just have to trust the process.”
Stephanie’s best friend, Amanda, has been skeptical for months. “At first, I tried to support her,” Amanda explained, shaking her head. “But when she started referring to the guy who recruited her as her ‘business mentor,’ I knew things were spiraling. His LinkedIn looks like a graveyard of failed ventures and hashtags like #RiseAndGrind. But to Stephanie, he’s some kind of visionary. He drives a BMW—which I’m 95% sure is leased.”
Even Stephanie’s mom, Carol, has attempted to reason with her, pulling every classic mom move short of staging an intervention. “I just don’t understand it,” Carol lamented. “She’s so smart, but every time I try to tell her she doesn’t have to sell anything to be successful, she tells me I need to ‘change my mindset’ and ‘visualize my goals.’ I just want my daughter back, not this girl who’s obsessed with matching tracksuits and posting Instagram stories about ‘manifesting wealth.’”
Undaunted by the skeptics, Stephanie remains firmly convinced that her success is inevitable. Armed with a vision board filled with images of luxury cars, tropical getaways, and phrases like “financial freedom” plastered in glittery letters, she’s ready to prove the haters wrong.
“They’ll see,” she declared confidently. “Once I’m pulling in six figures, they’ll be begging to join me. I’ll be giving them advice.”
At press time, Stephanie was reportedly mass-texting everyone in her contacts with an “amazing opportunity to start making money from home,” while her brother Daniel was quietly Googling “how to block a sibling on social media without causing family drama.”
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